


Just Muggle Things!

by Ki_Ki_Chi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Almost Everyone is Clueless About Muggle Things, Crack, Cultural Differences, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hate Speech, Humor, M/M, Muggle Culture, Muggle Life, Muggle-born Pride, Multi, Romance, Sane Voldemort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-10-12 08:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_Ki_Chi/pseuds/Ki_Ki_Chi
Summary: Harry and Hermione were muggle born raised, going into the Wizardry World was a huge shock for both. But it was a good thing they wern't the only ones Clueless, but Harry has to admit he can't make his years fun without slipping a some Muggle reference. To bad he didn't realize in the Wizardry World takes everything serious.





	1. Chapter 1

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Chapter 1: Rapping!?

 

Growing up Muggle raised has its perks here and there, but finding out you were a Wizard with mail powers was not something you could take in. Harry found out in the hard way, he didn't realize that nobody was gonna understand half the things he said.

Hermione however was just like him, confused and lonely. She was smart, cute, and knew how to stand her ground! Hermione was his best friend but his sister, they could relate, they could talk to eachother with things. 

It was a bond that couldn't be broken, never ever! So of course you must know about Harry's rapping skills yes? Yep Harry is into rap, he got into it after hearing 2pac. 

So on his birthday Hermione brought him a MP3 player, he soon fell in love with it and started downloading songs. Going to Hogwarts again was a fresh air for him, he could now relax with his MP3 in peace!

He also let Hermione use his MP3 player, both would listen to it day after day. On one boring Tuesday they both play truth or dare, and to say the least Harry was in panic. He said dare and Hermione said "Tomorrow at Lucy hours I dare you to put on the Song '"Mo Money Mo Problems'" 

Harry wanted revenge! So when Hermione picked dare he said "At Dinner Tomorrow I want you to sing Thuggish Ruggish Bones! I'll help out on the rapping!" Hermiones jaw dropped.

"Harry!" "What!? I said I'll help you!" Hermione sighed "Great now I gotta listen to the song again and memorize the lyrics!" Harry laughed 'Revenge served!'

 

The Next day

Today was very nervous for Harry and Hermione, they were gonna sing and also embarrassed themselves infront of the whole school! Ron was confused until they told him what happend, he looked at them "Ya know I don't know how the rapper are gonna react to the Rapping..."

Hermione shook her head "Ron we know, anyways the sooner we do it the faster it done!"

Lunch rolled around and Harry sat nervous "I'll sing the chorus ok? Just do your thing!" Hermione said winking, Harry sighed and got up and yelled "Everyone I have an announcement to make!" Everyone stopped and looked at him.

"Hermione....hit it..." Hermione pressed play and harry begang to rap

[Verse One: Harry]

Now, who's hot who not  
Tell me who rock who sell out in the stores  
You tell me who flopped who copped the blue drop  
Who jewels got robbed who's mostly Goldie down  
To the tube sock, the same ol pimp  
Mase, you know ain't nothing change but my limp  
Can't stop till I see my name on a blimp  
Guarantee a million sales pulling all the love  
You don't believe in Harlem World nigga double up  
We don't play around it's a bet lay it down  
Nigga didn't know me ninety-one bet they know me now  
I'm the young Harlem nigga with the Goldie sound  
Can't no PHD niggas hold me down, Cooter  
Schooled me to the game, now I know my duty  
Stay humble stay low blow like Hootie  
True pimp niggas spend no dough on the booty  
And then ya yell there go Mase there go your cutie

Mixed reaction rang throughout the whole hall, the teachers were shocked and students(Pureblood and Half-Blood were confused) the Muggle-Born however were grooving to the beat shouting out there lyrics to. Hermione the then got up when it easy her turn.

 

[Chorus: Hermonie]  
I don't know what, they want from me  
It's like the more money we come across  
The more problems we see  
[Repeat 2X]

 

Harry didn't know Hermonie could sing so good! He was abit shocked but quickly got to his part.

[Verse Two: Harry]

Yeah yeah, ahaha, I'm the C-to-the-A-to-the-D-D-Y  
Know you'd rather see me die than to see me fly  
I call all the shots  
Rip all the spots, rock all the rocks  
Cop all the drops, I know you thinking now's  
When all the balling stops, nigga never  
Home gotta call me on the yacht  
Ten years from now we'll still be on top  
Yo, I thought I told you that we won't stop  
Now what you gonna do when it's cool  
Bag a money much longer than yours  
And a team much stronger than yours, violate me  
This'll be your day, we don't play  
Mess around be D.O.A., be on your way  
Cause it ain't enough time here, ain't enough lime here  
For you to shine here, deal with many women  
But treat dimes fair, and I'm  
Bigger than the city lights down in Times Square  
Yeah, yeah yeah

 

Of course Minerva looked scandalized and Snap was looking bitter as always, Dumbledore however had those twinkles in his eyes.

 

[Chorus: Hermione]  
I don't know what, they want from me  
It's like the more money we come across  
The more problems we see  
[Repeat 2X]

 

Ron laughed at the faces of the Slytherins, they had the look of horror on there faces. 'Best lunch period ever!'

 

[Verse Three: Harry]

Uhh, uhhh  
B.I.G., P-O, P-P-A  
No info, for the, DEA  
Federal agents mad cause I'm flagrant  
Tap my cell, and the phone in the basement  
My team supreme, stay clean  
Triple beam lyrical dream, I be that  
Cat you see at all events bent  
Gats in holsters girls on shoulders  
Playboy, I told ya, being mice to me  
Bruise too much, I lose, too much  
Step on stage the girls boo too much  
I guess it's cause you run with lame dudes too much  
Me lose my touch, never that  
If I did, ain't no problem to get the gat  
Where the true players at?  
Throw your rollies in the sky  
Wave em side to side and keep their hands high  
While I give your girl the eye, player please  
Lyrically, niggas see, B.I.G.  
Be flossing jig on the cover of Fortune  
Five double oh, here's my phone number  
Your name, I got to know, I got to go  
Got the flow down phizat, platinum plus  
Like thizat, dangerous  
On trizack, leave your ass kizzack

 

Harry blushed in embarrassment as he said the N-Word, all these slangs and curses were gonna be the end of him!

 

[Chorus: Hermione]  
I don't know what, they want from me  
It's like the more money we come across  
The more problems we see  
[Repeat 3X]

Hermione then got ready for the last Verse 

 

[Chorus: Hermonie]  
What's going on?  
What's going on?  
I don't know what, they want from me  
It's like the more money we come across  
The more problems we see  
[Repeat 3X to fade]

 

The music faded out and so did Hermione voice, Harry and Hermonie stood in shock and what they just did. Suddenly claps were heard around the hall, both sighed with relief. Dumbledore stood up and smiled "60 points for Gryffindor for the the wonderful preformence !"

The Gryffindor tabled clapped loudly at there newly earned points, Both Harry and Hermione said down happily.

"Ya know...you don't have to sing Thuggish Ruggish Bones" Harry said "I know...and I'm glad I don't!" Both laughed and ate there lunches.


	2. Gillyweed?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Chapter 2: Gillyweed?

 

Harry leaned over to ron and said "Bro.....pass the gillyweed" Ron stared at him confused "Mate what?" Hermione stood in the back giggling.

"Pass the gillyweed bro!" "Harry I don't have gillyweed, why do you even need it?" Harry looked at him "I need to get high....so I can drown myself in a pool full of crack"

Hermione tryed to hold in her sniggering, Ron looked even more confused "Harry wha-!?" "GODDANMIT RON JUST GIVE ME THE DANM WEED!" Harry yelled out.

That was it for Hermione, she fell off her chair laughing while holding her stomach. Ron looked scared and the people around them looked at them, Harry sighed and got up.

"Danm wizards, don't even have the danm good kush! Gonna go to Dean since he's a Muggle-Born and he'll be able to understand what the hell I'm saying!" He then walked away.

Hermione recovering grabbed her stuff and followed Harry, Ron still stood there confused "What...?"


	3. Chapter 3: Romeo and Juliet

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

Chapter 3: Romeo and Juliet 

 

"Ya know Hermione, if your lover killed themself for you...would you do the same?" Harry Potter asked his friend Hermione Granger.

"Uh no? What? Is this about Romeo and Juliet?" "Yep! Ya know...what if we pull a prank on the school?"

 

Hermione looked at him "Which Act?" "4..." Hermione shook her head but smirked "I'm in!"

 

At Study Hall

 

Harry walked in with a bottle full of juice but for poison, he looked to see Dean holding a fake sword nodding at him. Hermione walked over to an empty table and layer down on it.

Harry slowly walking to her sighed, this was going to get pretty nasty. Dean then ran to the table Hermione was laying and yelled 

 

"Stop thy unhallow'd toil, vile Montague!   
Can vengeance be pursued further than death?   
Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee:   
Obey, and go with me; for thou must die."

 

Everyone looked at Dean in shock Harry glaring at dean with grief and sadness said

"I must indeed; and therefore came I hither.   
Good gentle youth, tempt not a desperate man;   
Fly hence, and leave me: think upon these gone;   
Let them affright thee. I beseech thee, youth,   
Put not another sin upon my head,   
By urging me to fury: O, be gone!   
By heaven, I love thee better than myself;   
For I come hither arm'd against myself:   
Stay not, be gone; live, and hereafter say,   
A madman's mercy bade thee run away."

 

Everyone was confused "What in Merlin are they saying?" Ron said. 

Dean snarled at Harry

" I do defy thy conjurations,   
And apprehend thee for a felon here" 

Harry glared back

" Wilt thou provoke me? then have at thee, boy!"

 

[They fight]

 

Everyone was staring at awe, what happened between them? Why are they fighting and talking strange?

 

"O, I am slain!   
[Falls]   
If thou be merciful,   
Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet."

Dean fell to the ground with fake blood spilling out of him, everyone jumped and scream in horror. Harry looking back at Hermione 

 

" In faith, I will. Let me peruse this face.   
Mercutio's kinsman, noble County Paris! 3020  
What said my man, when my betossed soul   
Did not attend him as we rode? I think   
He told me Paris should have married Juliet:   
Said he not so? or did I dream it so?   
Or am I mad, hearing him talk of Juliet, 3025  
To think it was so? O, give me thy hand,   
One writ with me in sour misfortune's book!   
I'll bury thee in a triumphant grave;   
A grave? O no! a lantern, slaughter'd youth,   
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes 3030  
This vault a feasting presence full of light.   
Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd.   
[Laying PARIS in the tomb]   
How oft when men are at the point of death   
Have they been merry! which their keepers call 3035  
A lightning before death: O, how may I   
Call this a lightning? O my love! my wife!   
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,   
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:   
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet 3040  
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,   
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.   
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?   
O, what more favour can I do to thee,   
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain 3045  
To sunder his that was thine enemy?   
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,   
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe   
That unsubstantial death is amorous,   
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps 3050  
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?   
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;   
And never from this palace of dim night   
Depart again: here, here will I remain   
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here 3055  
Will I set up my everlasting rest,   
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars   
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!   
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you   
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss 3060  
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!   
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!   
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on   
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!   
Here's to my love! 3065  
[Drinks]   
O true apothecary!   
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.   
[Dies]   
[Enter, at the other end of the churchyard, FRIAR] 3070  
LAURENCE, with a lantern, crow, and spade]"

 

Everyone looked at shock, "Wait! Hermonie and Harry were lovers, but Dean loved her so he and Harry fought to the death and in the end both are dead!? Romeo and Juliet!?"

 

All 3 got up and bowed be for walking out of the hall, Ron who unfortunately fainted after Harry speech didn't get to see the end.

Oh well! A tragic tale of Juliet and her Romeo!


	4. Naruto!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Chapter 4: Naruto!

 

Harry was running late......again, he sighed and knew that running wasn't going to help him. How can he get to the dungeons!? He should of went with Hermione!

 

Suddenly an idea popped inside his head, why didn't he think of this!? He spread his arms out and began running, Naruto style.

 

Down at the dungeons:

 

Harry sped to the door before opening it loudly and yelling "I'M NARUTO UZUMAKI AND I'M GONNA BECOME THE NEXT HOKAGE!" 

 

Everyone in potions stopped what they were doing and looked at him, Hermione burst out laughing. However Snape didn't find it funny at all.

 

"Mr. Potter, 40 points from Gryffindorf for being late and being disruptive"

 

Harry shrigged, at least he got to class!


	5. Reach The Moon!

 

 

"Harry why do you think Muggles are more advanced then Wizards?" Ron asked during study hall, Harry slaps his potions book close and smiles.

 

"I'm so glad you've asked Ron! One of the major things I'd love to point out is that.....Muggles already visited the moon!"

 

Ron gasps "No way that's impossible!" 

 

"For wizards it is but muggles have the technology far more advanced then magic combine to pull it off!" Harry said proudly.

 

Ron slowly nodded still amazed, suddenly both boys feel a slap on their heads. Harry flinches and glares at the person who did it, surprise surprise it's Snape.

 

"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter, may I require why both of your speaking during study hall?"

 

Harry rolled his eyes "I'm just telling him how muggles made it to the moon Professor"

 

Snaps stops for a moment before clearing his throat "A-as interesting it sound Mr. Potter, if very much like for you and Mr. Weasley to be quiet. As for that, I am deducting 20 points from Gryffindor"

 

The Gryffindor students all groan before turning back to their study's, Shape walks away with his robes flowing behind him.

 

Harry sighs "Another thing you'd want to know Ron about muggles is that their more easier to joke around with then Wizards"

 

'Can never be myself around here can i?'

 

 

 

[End]

 

 

 


	6. Taken To Sirius

 

 

"Oh Hermione! My life has gotten so much better now!" Harry shouted with joy as he and Hermione walked into the great hall

 

"How so Harry?" Hermione asked confused

 

"Well, my skin is clear! My crops are growing! I have 20/20 vision, my depression is healed, my grades are up, the sun is shining, world peace is here, and I feel so alive!" Harry yelled for the whole great hall to hear.

 

Hermione had to stop herself from laughing "I see, I see! Don't get so excited!"

 

Harry and Hermione finally sat down at the Gryffindor table only to start be bombarded with qustions.

 

"Eh Harry I didn't know you farmed!"

 

"You had depression!? You should get that looked at!"

 

"Whats 20/20 vision?"

 

"Your grades are up finally?"

 

"How is your skin clear? It's always been cleared"

 

"The sun isn't out Harry!"

 

"How is world peace here!?"

 

"Why do you feel alive? You are alive!"

 

 

Harry felt a headache creep up, so he slammed his hands on the table.

 

"Oi! All of you bloody shut up! I was joking, have none of you heard this joke before!?"

 

Everyone him shook their heads, causing Harry to sigh.

 

"You guys take things too Sirius you know that?"

 

Hermione and Ron cuaght in to the pun and began to crackle behind Harry, Harry kept his growing smirk down.

 

"Now if you excuse me, I got better things to do then explain to you guys a simple joke! See ya never wanna be ya!"

 

Harry grabbed his things and pulled his two best friends out of the great hall leaving even more confused people behind.

 

 

[End]

 

 


End file.
